Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Help, I have teenagers

A friend of mine summed it up very well with two simple words: teenagers suck.That statement was uttered after a particularly endearing conversation with his own teenager that was influenced by the teen's knowledge his parents are the dumbest creatures to ever walk the planet.
All I could do was smile and nod, because I have two teens of my own.
When you first have kids it is all “Goo-goo, gaa-gaa” and “Aren't you cute.” The single-digit years are filled with amazement as you watch your spawn grow and do all these wonderful things.
During those first few years, your sproggs also think you are the coolest, strongest and “bestest” person in the whole wide world. They want to hang out with you and in general enjoy being by your side.
I have found that once the teen years hit, it is good to reflect on those younger years as it helps calm the urge to send them to military school – in Siberia.
When they hit the double-digit years for a while anyway they are still pretty much the same kids they have been for the past decade, but there are dark clouds brewing on the horizon, so enjoy it while you can, because once they hit 13 a switch gets flipped and your bundle of joy turns into a monstrous raging ball of out-of-control hormones with long hair and a bad attitude.
It is like someone put a troll in a Junior suit and sent him to live in my house.
A very hungry troll I might add.
I would just like to caution everyone not to get between a teenager and any type of food product. Doing so could result in injury or harm. I liken it to trying to pull a kitten away from a deranged, rabid pitbull, only the pitbull would have better table manners and eventually the pitbull would be full.
It is also around this age they realize they know everything there is worth knowing in the entire world and us “old people” should listen to their wise words of wisdom because doing so would make life a whole lot easier for everyone.
Teens also have “the look” to go with this new-found self awareness of their blossoming brilliance. Every parent of a teen, boy or girl, has been the recipient of “the look.”
This is a facial expression only a teen can truly pull off and it says one thing, “You are dumb and I am not.”
I do not know anyone with a teen who has not been a recipient of “the look.”
I am not a hostile man in any capacity, but “the look” pushes a deep dark button inside of me that makes me want to go caveman.
You also cannot tell teens a blessed thing. They either already know it, or have decided it is not important enough to be bothered with.
A friend of mine has a cute little girl who is around a year old and being their first they were still in the gushy-mooshy stage of parenting. She would say how sweet the little one is and tell me of the cute thing she is doing.
All I could do is smile. I would relay stories about living with a teen and the doubting look on her face showed she felt her bundle of joy would never turn into a troll with a 'tude.
Once again that smile would cross my face.
“You'll see, oh yes, you will see.”

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