By DARREN HANDSCHUH
What fun would life be without teenagers?
If it wasn't for a house full of teens there would be food in the cupboard, and we can't have that now can we?
I would not have the thrill of coming home after work and discovering the only thing left to eat in the house is the cat?
And all that extra money I could save on food would just be sitting in my bank account, waiting for early retirement and a life of leisure.
I ask you, where is the fun in that?
And why does Junior have to crank his stereo to the point where people in neighbouring cities are calling to complain about the noise?
Just because your stereo goes to 10, doesn't mean you have to crank it up to 10 - all the time.
Then of course there is the teenage attitude, the teen angst, teen drama and the teen attitude. I know I mentioned that last one twice, but it is such a significant part of teen life I figured it should be repeated.
It has been a long time, and I do mean a loooong time, since I was a teen, but if memory serves I spent most of my time reading my bible and spreading good cheer among my fellow humans.
Questions were answered with "Yes father, I would love to mow the lawn for you" and "Of course mother, I am sorry for leaving my dirty laundry on the floor, it will never happen again."
Of course, I never stayed out a little later than I was supposed to, I never drove over the speed limit and the only interest I had in girls was for intellectual interaction where we would enter into an energetic and mentally stimulating discussion about our school work and current events.
It's funny how time changes the way people remember things.
My dad recalls a young lad with a foot of lead who collected more speeding tickets than Santa does letters.
OK, I did smash up my little car twice in the first year of ownership, and it's not good when certain cops know you on a first-name basis so he may have me on that one.
He also remembers a youngster who used to listen to music so loud it would set off house alarms. This I admit is true, but unlike teens of today, the music I listened to was good.
My dad did not like my tunes. Dad didn't get it, but he was old and could not possibly understand what it was like to be young and, um, never mind.
Moving on, when I was a teen I did not have an attitude problem, it was my dad who never seemed to be able to get along with me. The man just never understood what I was saying or how I was saying it.
He just didn't get it. He was stuck in some previous era and had no idea what it was like to be 16. All he would do is get annoyed and claim I was copping an attitude, and, um, never mind.
Now as for the food issue, I um, er, oh heck, never mind.
I was also home at exactly the time I was supposed to be, I never tried to sneak in (or out for that matter) and I am pretty sure you don't believe a word of this so never mind.
Hmmm, looking back it is amazing my dad did not sell me to missionaries just for a little peace and quiet (and food) around the house.
I am going to call my dad and apologize.
I think I will also tell Junior how much I appreciate him, if I can get him to turn down his music and get his head out of the fridge long enough that is.