Monday, October 3, 2011

What the ick is that stuff???

With all the wonders of modern technology, you would think they could make the stuff that the dentist uses taste a whole lot better.
I do not know what any of the stuff dentists use are called, but it is some nasty gear so from here on out I shall refer to it as goop. That should cover whatever liquid form of oral torment they see fit to squeeze into my mouth.
Scientists can put people into space, create computers that can help perform the most delicate of operations, but they can’t invent dentist goop that does not taste like C3PO just threw up in your mouth.
The entire dentist experience can leave a bad taste in your mouth – literally. The rubber dam has a lovely inner tube taste to it and even the rubber gloves are less than appealing, but on my last visit I was introduced to a goop that could be used as a method of extracting information from terrorists.
Just squirt some of that on their tongue and in exchange for some rinse they will be talking faster than an auctioneer.
I recently had a crown installed and I do not know what was worse: having someone use power tools in my mouth or the taste of that horrid goop that is part of the process.
What is that stuff anyway? Not only is it horrid, but long lasting. It is like a taste tattoo that lasts, and lasts, and lasts…
My latest adventure in the Chair of Doom was actually not too bad as far as a visit to the dentist goes.
But that is also kind of like saying the broken bone didn’t hurt too bad considering it was a broken body part.
They were putting crowns on, which as far as having dental work goes was simple stuff. The hard part was done two weeks earlier and involved lots of freezing, drilling and of course the mandatory foul-tasting equipment.
So this visit was going pretty well until they put what I believe is some sort of glue on the posts that hold the crowns that my dental plan paid good money for.
That has got to be some of the most God awful tasting stuff man has ever devised. I assume they do not make it taste that way on purpose, but have these scientist guys ever actually tasted this stuff?
I doubt it, or it would all taste like bubblegum and beer (bubblegum for the kids, beer for dad.)
I think one of the first things they should have looked at was where the goop is going to be used - in someone’s mouth which is crammed full of these little things called taste buds, the job of which is to taste things.
Taste buds are not exclusionary. God put them there to taste things – the good and the bad - and believe me, this stuff was bad.
So it would make sense any goop a dentists uses does not taste so horrid, right? Apparently not, because some of the stuff they use is downright nasty.
Anyway, I am kicking back in the Chair of Doom as the doc does his dentist stuff and things weren’t too bad.
That is until the goop was introduced the morning adventure of fun and excitement. Never in my life have I wanted the mouth rinse and little suction machine thingy to do their job more than at that moment.
In fact, you could have crammed a garden hose in my face and I would not have minded because at that point I was willing to swim up river with my mouth open to wash out that taste.

1 comment:

Karen said...

I completely agree ... I believe at one point in time, they had their fluoride goo tasting like chocolate, but since I always gag when they put those rubber fluoride troughs in, I didn't have that more than once.