It's the end of the world - eventually anyway

I have to admit I am not much for Dooms Day predictions. Remember the dreaded Y2K when the computers were all going to crash, the world would be in ruin and monkeys would rise up and take over the planet?
Did any of that happen? No.
Were some people very stressed about it happening? Yes. I knew it would be no big deal and the only precaution I took was updating my bankbooks. That way, when the monkeys took over I would be able to show them how much money I have (or don’t have.)
But as everyone knows, the computer-generated apocalypse never did happen, much the chagrin of monkeys everywhere. Some people were seriously freaking out about the whole thing. I spoke to one gentleman who spent more than $10,000 getting Y2K ready.
He had a bomb shelter, enough food for a year, bio-hazard gear – the works. Of course on Jan. 2, 2000 he had a garage sale that included a year’s worth of dried goods, a never-been-worn bio-suit and enough plastic and duct tape to seal off an entire house – which was part of his plan actually. I can understand why he would be so concerned. Some media types were beating the Dooms Day drum with a sledgehammer, while others said to kick back and relax, it is not big deal. Many people chose to listen to the sledgehammer.
The only computer malfunction my family had to deal with was the clock at the bottom right hand corner of the monitor displayed the wrong time and the date was from the 1970s. It took a whole minute to correct every Y2K problem I encountered. More recently there was that nutter, I mean pastor dude in the United States who predicted the end of the world not once, but twice.
He said it was some sort of mathematic error or something that caused the first date to be wrong. Those evil monkey overlords have never been known for their algebra skills. Some people sold their houses – not sure how that would help, stop or alter the end of the world – others took out huge loans – I guess if the world is going to end, why not go out in style.
Of course when the world did not end, they were left homeless or with a big loan to pay off. But the good news was the nutter, I mean pastor dude came up with another date so the homeless people in debt could breathe easier. But, what a shock, he was wrong again. I was surprised he stopped predicting Dooms Day actually, because if you do it often enough eventually you will get it right.
 Now there are some people who are convinced the world is going to end in December when the Mayan calendar comes to an end. Big deal, my calendar ends in December every single year and all I do is go buy another one and the Earth keeps rotating for another 12 months.
I admit I do not know a lot about why the Mayan calendar ends on the day it does and there is a reason for my lack of knowledge on the subject: I don’t care. I do not believe for a second that on Dec. 21, 2012 the world will suddenly explode, implode or be taken over by those evil monkey overlords. But if it does, I owe all the believers an apology.
Does this mean I think the world will go on forever? Unfortunately no. The Bible is very clear the world will come to an end, but even if you dismiss biblical end time prophecies, all you have to do is watch the news to realize we are not long for this planet.
The ‘brilliance’ of mankind has been to destroy its water, food and air supplies, so yes, the world will end in calamity. I don’t know when, and I don’t really care.
There is nothing I can do about it anyway. But if you will excuse me, I am trying to learn how to speak gorilla for when the evil monkey overlords finally get around to overtaking this dirty, worn out planet. I just hope they do a better job than we did.