The joys of marriage

A buddy of mine brought up an interested point the other day. Both of us have been in long-term relationships (just not with each other) and we both remain baffled by the logic of the lady people of the planet.

He made an excellent observation when he said, “Women spend the entire relationship trying to change you and then say ‘You’re not the man I married 30 years ago.’”

And he is exactly right.

When I pass into the great beyond and walk through those pearly gates one of the first things I am going to ask the big man – right after why did he create mosquitos – is why did he make men and women so different?

Not that different is always bad. Sometimes the difference makes me feel funny inside, but other times it makes me feel slightly this side of completely crazy.

I say viva la physical difference – could you imagine a world without that difference – but it is between the ears that the difference can be quite maddening.

To try and get a grip on our differences and so we do not drive each other totally bonkers, my wife and decided to take a proactive approach to marital bliss by attending a marriage encounter weekend.

We figured that it makes sense to get some instruction from experts on how to co-exist, because neither one of us came with an operator’s manual.

Basically the marriage encounter is an excuse to leave the kids with grandma, spend a weekend in a hotel and hang out with other adults to complain, I mean discuss your significant other.

The encounter was very helpful and provided some insight into why we drive each other crazy.

When we arrived we were given these little work books with questions, suggestions and places to scribble down notes.

Well, I scribble, my wife writes with a penmanship typically reserved for royalty.

So, we have our little books, we have our pens at the ready and we are waiting in anticipation for wise words of wisdom to be bestowed upon us.

Typically these events have a speaker, or speakers, who spew forth those words which explain the main reason for marital challenges. After several workshops and seminars the experts told us what is going on between every married couple in the world – men and women are very different.

Really? Well thanks for the heads up. I never would have figured that out on my own.

I was beginning to think the weekend would be a bust, but then I remembered we have two whole days without a herd of little ones hovering around out feet so I started to feel much better about shelling out my hard-earned dough to have someone explain the obvious to me.

But as the weekend progressed, some good advice was given and valuable insight into fostering a harmonious relationship wad gleaned.

The marriage weekend offered different tips on how to talk to each other, how to share your feelings with each other and in general to try and think like the opposite sex.

I stress the word try because it can be very trying. I have heard the female brain described as a bowl of spaghetti with the woman being able to think along many different lines at the same time.

Men were described as waffles with the ability to focus on one square at a time. While women can have a dozen things going through their minds at one time, men tend to think about only one thing at a time before moving on to the next.

And very often that one thing men constantly think about is, well, you know. That’s right, often men are thinking about who won the game, especially if it was being played the night of the marriage encounter weekend.