Monday, April 29, 2013

Super heroes are super

“Do you ever use any of my suggestions in your columns?” asked a colleague of mine who, can be rather, um, how shall I put this, energetic in life.
When someone says, “Oh that guy is a real character,” they are talking about my co-worker. If you look it up in the dictionary, you will find his picture.
Always ready with a corny joke or oddball comment, it will be a sad day when he retires. But, then again, how can we miss him if he won’t go away?
His latest good-natured interference came when the Vernon Winter Carnival announced the theme for its 2014 event will be super heroes.
Upon reading the announcement, my co-worker buddy said I should write a column about it.
He then went on to tell me about his favourite super hero, what he wore, the gadgets he had and a whole bunch of other information I missed because I usually tune him out after a few seconds.
It’s a skill I’ve developed after having my desk beside his for so many years and one I have been able to apply to many other situations – most of which involve my mother in law.
But he still managed to plant a seed that kept rattling around my cranium until I finally decided to do something about it: electro-shock therapy.
Actually, I just decided that perhaps another one of my rambling rants could be born from his pestering after all.
The problem is, I have never been a big fan of super heroes.
His favourite was Batman. Me, not so much. I was never a follower of the Caped Crusader in my youth and those super-lame TV shows and movies featuring Adam West didn’t help matters. However, the recent Batman flicks have been amazing and I now consider myself a fan.
Superman was also not very high on the list. I was OK with the flying and man of steel stuff, and who wouldn't want X-ray vision? But how could all those people see Superman and then see Clark Kent and not figure out he is the same person?
If putting on a pair of glasses is the ultimate disguise, perhaps bin Laden would be alive today if he had just slapped on a pair of bi-focals when Seal Team Six came knocking.
“Freeze bin Laden or I’ll…. Oh, sorry sir, we were looking for the world’s most wanted terrorist, but he doesn’t wear glasses, so you can go.”
A pair of prescription peepers just isn’t a convincing enough disguise to keep people from figuring out who Supe really is.
I’ve always thought Iron Man is pretty cool, but then if I had billions of dollars like Tony Stark, I could afford to become a super hero, too. Obviously, Stark and Wayne took the same course on how to buy a super hero persona.
As a kid, my favourite super hero was Spiderman.
Ironic, isn’t it, that someone who is terrified of spiders should pick a giant mutant spider/human hybrid as his favourite super hero? Go figure.
Peter Parker was just an ordinary, everyday guy who gained super powers when a radioactive spider put the bite on him.
He uses his power to do good, which is exactly what anyone would do if they were virtually indestructible.
What young man wouldn’t use his super-human strength to thwart crime and spend all his time saving the city from the hoards of evil-doers?
I know I would. Problem is, I refuse to get close enough to a spider to attain those powers.
Oh well, guess I will have to keep working on becoming a billionaire super hero.
How hard can it be?

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