My wife and I are part of a community watch program where we snoop, I mean, keep an eye on each other's homes in case any nefarious culprits are lurking about.
In other words, we keep watch for bad guys doing bad things to our good homes.
I live in a fairly low-crime area so there really isn't a whole lot to watch out for. Sure we have been victims of crime – my son had his bike stolen so whenever I see someone of less-than-stellar reputation riding a bike like his that was painted with a can of spray paint, I am somewhat suspicious of where he got it.
I can't prove it, but I can run him over with my car when he (and nobody else) is looking. I am kidding of course. I would never risk damaging my car.
Speaking of cars, I have had a vehicle broken in to 14 times in the past 30 years or so. One van we owned was a particular favourite of the scumbags, er, um, I mean...no, wait that's exactly what I mean.
The big green van, which our kids dubbed The Hulk-mobile, was broken into at least four times.
The first time was when we were hiking and they caused $600 damage by twisting the locks off of two doors.
Next time, just break the window like everyone else, OK. It makes life a lot cheaper for the victim (that would be me) as all I would have to pay was a deductible for a new window instead of getting body work done.
That robbery was probably the most successful one by the scumbags. They took numerous CDs – the joke is on them because it was mostly 'old people music' – and my wallet.
Losing the wallet hurt. It was not so much the cash (what cash) but I had to run around and replace all of my identification such as a driver's license (for $75), my SIN and whatever else I had in there. They also took a cherished sentimental item - my Eddie Van Halen guitar pick that I had carried with me for years.
I didn't really get it from the guitar maestro, but rather I found it on the floor of one of those little rooms where the ATMs are help captive. However, after a few adult recreational beverages at a local watering hole, the pick became widely known as one used by Eddie himself and a legend was born. People asked me about that pick for years.
Anyway, I left the wallet tucked away in the bottom of a centre consol because I feared evil doers were lurking about. And I was right.
I called the police to file a report for insurance purposes and was greeted by the snottiest public servant I have ever encountered .
Me: “Hello, yes, I would like to report someone broke into my van and stole my wallet.”
Snotty public servant: “Oh, gee, really. Let me guess – you left it sitting on top of the dash in plain view.”
I explained the situation and her attitude changed immediately. She should not have had an attitude in the first place.
But my dealing with snotty people was far from over.
A few days later, someone found my bank card and dropped it off at the den of theives, er, I mean the banking institute.
A lady from the bank called me and launched into a rambling diatribe about how I should be more careful with my card before informing me the card has already been destroyed and I have to come down for a new one.
I asked where the card was found.
“In front of your house.”
What! The scumbags were at my house. This sent alarms bells ringing and tempers raging. I told her the card had been stolen and was upset these pukes came to my house.
Like her friend at the police station, her attitude changed immediately and she admitted she did not actually know where the card was found.
Then why did you say it was in front of my house?
I guess people who break into cars aren't the only jerks out there.