Saturday, August 31, 2013

Sometimes, nothing is a good thing

A reader recently sent me an email telling me I am the greatest writer in the history of writing and my columns are the best thing to come out of the English language - ever.
OK, maybe he did not say all of that, or any of that actually, but he did say he enjoys my columns and after commenting on one particular piece about men and women communicating, he included a link to a YouTube video featuring a funny man named Mark Gungor.
Gungor is part marriage counsellor, part stand-up comedian and this particular link was to a presentation he did on the 'nothing box.'
Yes ladies, men really do have a nothing box. So when you ask, 'What are you thinking?' and we reply 'Nothing,' we mean it.
We really are thinking about nothing, we are doing nothing, we are accomplishing nothing. Come to think of it, we could probably change the name to the The Senate box, but that is for a different column.
The Missus found it hard to believe men can think about nothing, but after watching the Gungor video for herself and doing some reading on the subject, she finally relented and acknowledged it is possible for the male species to actually think about not a single thing.
Why do you think NASCAR is so popular? It is not thinking, but you get to watch fast cars and drink cold beer while you do it with.
Personally, I love the nothing box. It is like taking a mini-vacation without leaving the house.
The nothing box is another fine example of what a jokester God really is.
But it would seem God can also be a little mischevious because there is the other side of the coin called the woman's brain.
Women do not have a nothing box, in fact, they don't have any boxes at all.
Gungor compared the female grey matter to a bowl of spaghetti with the woman possessing the power to think along multiple strands at the same time.
We men go from one box to the next, often not allowing those boxes to interact or even touch. That does not mean one is superior to the other, it just means we are different – very, very different – when it comes to how we think.
We have established men really can think of nothing and have a darn good time doing it.
But when you ask a woman what she is thinking and she says, 'Nothing'  proceed with caution because women are always thinking about something – always.
Even worse is if you suspect there is a problem, but when you ask your significant other what's wrong and she says “Nothing,” you are doomed. Warning bells should be going off and red flags should be popping up with the ferocity of fireworks.
You better pursue your line of questioning with the focus of a psychiatrist and the stealth of a ninja until 'nothing' is discussed at length.
If you do not, 'nothing' will build like a swollen reservoir before breaching the dam and washing you onto the couch for the next few nights.
I am hardly an expert on man-woman relations, but I have been married for 25 years and the Missus and I have taken several marriage courses to help us better understand one another.
Ladies if you are having a hard time believing your significant other can literally think about nothing, look Gungor up on the Internet because he is an expert and he has some good advice for us married types.
Now if you will excuse me, I have a lot of nothing to think about.

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