Friday, December 20, 2013

Time for some weird gift giving

It's Christmastime and that means people throughout the land will honour the age-old tradition of flocking to area stores where they become borderline psychotic as they search for the perfect gift.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like jostling people out of your way as you jockey for position at the ever-growing check out lines.
I am not sure what the must-have gift is this year, but remember the Tickle Me Elmo craze a few years ago where people were literally spending thousands of dollars on a toy a child will play with for two whole minutes?
One lady spent a whopping $8,000 on a stupid vibrating stuffed muppet.
Ho-ho-holy moly is that ridiculous.
Speaking of ridiculous, there is no shortage of unusual, strange and outright weird gifts you can get people. And with a couple days left until the fat man arrives, there is still time for some last-minute shopping.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like a walking corpse and with zombies being all the rage right now there is an abundance of undead gifts to give the fully living.
Zombie T-shirts are as common as a Senate expense scandal, but you can get creative for the little Yuletide ghoul in your home with the Zombie Magnetic Word Kit.
This is a small metal box containing a plethora of magnetized words that can be arranged in any order you want to spell out any sentence you desire. So what separates the zombie word kit from regular old magnetic word kits that have been around for years? Near as I can tell, the word zombie in the title. Other than that they look identical.
Or how about some zombie jerky. The tasty treat is hailed as teriyaki zombie flesh jerky. Um, OK, isn't that just regular jerky with green food dye all over it?
You know it is just a matter of time before Zombie Santa makes his debut.
While zombies are taking a big bite out of the holiday gift list, there are still plenty of options for those not fond of the living dead.
What Christmas tree would be complete without a Lucky Singing Christmas Pickle ornament? What makes it lucky I do not know and why it sings also remains a mystery.
But should you know someone who wants to combine their love of pickles, singing and Christmas you now have the perfect stocking stuffer.
Looking for something a little more elaborate? How about an $11,000 exercise cycle? The Cyclotte is a very odd looking stationary bike that is perfect for someone who simply cannot lose those last five pounds on a regular exercise bike.
That 50-inch plasma TV just not cutting it anymore? Well fear not, now there is the $1.5-million Ultimate Outdoor Entertainment System. The massive 201-inch TV retracts from the ground and comes with a built-in library of 300 movies and concerts, as well as Direct-TV. No word if you can get NetFlix on it.
Looking for something a little more practical? Then how about an acre of land on Mars. That's right, for just $29.99 you to can be the proud owner of a chunk of land on planet thousands of miles away.
At, you can purchase a piece of the Red Planet to call your very own. Of course visiting it might be a little challenging and for all you know it could be Martian swamp land, but still I would venture a guess the recipient of the gift would never suspect what it is.
Of course, we cannot leave pets out of the giving frenzy. There are a wealth of gifts to give the critter in your life, ranging from clothes to toys to hats and more.
My personal favourite this year is the guinea pig Santa suit. It is a red fur-lined jacket with a little red hat to fit any size rodent.
How does that saying go? There's one born every minute...

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