Thursday, January 15, 2015

More news, more weirdness

It would seem some people have more money than brains.
A gentleman in the U.K. spent more than $500 to keep an office pet alive.
Very noble you say? Why would I speak negative about such a kind act you say? Because the office pet was a gold fish.
Apparently, the small, finned beast had some sort condition that caused a nasty bout of constipation, which put the fish in a state of distress.
OK, let's stop here for a second and ask 'how do you know if a goldfish is constipated?'
Who keeps track of these things and why?
Do you pay that much attention to the fish you notice he is not doing well in that particular area?
And again, I must ask why.
Anyway, somehow this guy determined the fish was not pooping enough, so he enlisted the aid of a veterinarian who removed the 'patient' from the bowl, flooded its gills with anesthetic-fortified water, and used a tiny scalpel to remove lumps that were causing the constipation, with the surgery guided by a miniature heart-rate monitor.
Remember folks, this a goldfish that can be replaced for less than $5.
When asked why he went through so much effort and expense to save a fish, the man gave no concrete reason, saying only that he liked the fish a lot.
I like fish a lot too, but I prefer mine with some butter, pepper and a dash of lemon.
And thus we begin another edition of weirdos in the news.
Keeping the United Kingdom, a gentlemen was obsessed with American reality star Kim Kardashian.
He was not obsessed in a hide-in-the-bushes-in-front-of-her-house sort of way, but in a I-want-look-exactly-like-her sort of way.
So in his quest to look like the 'star' (who is given that title for no real skill or ability other than to be trashy in public) he spent more than $150,000 on plastic surgery for 50 cosmetic procedures.
I can think of a lot of ways this guy could have spent the money in a more productive manner, the first of which is counselling with an expert in the mental health field.
But, it's his money and if he wants to spend it all to look like a Karadashian, who's to argue – snicker, yes, argue, no.
Speaking of Americans, let's return to the land of the weird where there is no shortage of odd behaviour.
Authorities in Phoenix were pleased that celebratory gunfire was down on New Years.
Police estimated there were 22 per cent fewer bullets randomly fired into the air to celebrate the arrival of 2015.
The department received reports on only 206 bullets discharged without concern for where they would land – good news indeed.
Christopher Soon should get lawyer of the year honours for successfully defending a client who was charged with breaking a law that was written specifically for him.
It would seem the defendant had a rather odd fetish – he liked to collect urine from public urinals. After being arrested and charged twice with loitering in restrooms, obstructing a person from flushing and then collecting his prize, a law was written making such an act a felony.
When he was caught again, his lawyer managed to reduce the charges to criminal mischief.
I really have nothing else to way about that. I think it is weird enough on its own.

Copyright 2015 Darren Handschuh

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