What do you get for the person how has everything?
Nothing, they already have everything, adding more stuff to the collection would just be greedy.
But if you are looking for gifts that are, well, a little out of the norm for someone who does not have everything, then keep reading.
There is no shortage of strange, bizarre and downright weird gifts out there.
How about a potty piano for the music lover in your home?
This is a little plastic mat keyboard you put in front of the toilet so the sitter can make merry music while having a little personal time.
Why you ask? I have no idea. I could not even guess how this would make the world a better place or who would want to play the piano with their feet while they, um, er, well, you know.
Not strange enough for you? Not a problem.
How about a full-size Krampus Christmas demon costume. Nothing says peace and goodwill on Earth like a horned, fanged, fur-covered monster toting a red sack full of body parts.
This is an especially good idea if you have children.
“See kids, I told you to behave and you didn't so this is what you get.”
It will give them hours and hours worth of things to talk to their psychiatrist about when they are older.
Have chocolate lover in the house? Then you need a big ol' hunk of Cricket Crunch Bar.
As the name implies, it is a chocolate bar filled with nutritious and delicious crickets.
The sales pitch goes: “Crickets are a popular snack in many parts of the world, and have a texture like puffed rice. Plus, they have fibre and protein.”
Do you know what else the chocolate bar is full of? Bugs, that's what.
Scurrying, scampering, multi-legged insects do not belong in my chocolate – ever. Maybe I could save some money and throw a few dozen grasshoppers into a pot of melted Hershey bars. But I will admit I do not know if locusts have the same nutritional value as crickets so the health nuts among us may want to stick to the cricket diet.
Feasting on insects not pleasing to the pallet? How about a piece of chum-flavoured gum? Yes, that is a real item that you can put under the tree for Christmas.
I have no idea what chum tastes like and I am pretty sure I would like to keep it that way. I wonder how the people who made the stuff knows what chum tastes like. On second thought, never mind.
Tired of giving your wife or girlfriend the same old boring jewellery for Christmas? How many diamonds can she wear anyway?
So, instead of diamond earrings, how about a nice set of squirrel feet earrings. These are real squirrel feet the discerning woman in your life can dangle from her earlobes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like strapping some animal parts to your head.
The sad thing is, there will be all those squirrels running around the forest with prosthetic limbs.
And as the world descends ever deeper into the unrelenting grip of the bacon craze, a ridiculous amount of bacon-related items can be purchased.
There is bacon-flavoured toothpaste for some reason. And bacon-scented soap, so you can walk around smelling like a BLT all day. There is also bacon jam, bacon relish, bacon-flavoured bacon, and, of course, bacon-flavoured ice cream.
My mind says no, but my taste buds say mmmmmm-good.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Copyright 2015, Darren Handschuh