Saturday, March 19, 2016

The super rich have problems too

I'm sorry, I have been trying to feel sorry for them, but I just can't do it.
You know who the one per cent are, right? They are the richest people in the world, while we, the 99 per cent struggle to make ends meet.
I recently read a story that said the one per cent of the one per cent – the ultra wealthy – are sad because they feel isolated from the rest of the world because they are so rich.
One even compared his plight to that of prejudice faced by minorities.
Hmmm, there are children starving in every corner of the world and you want me to feel sorry for you because you have too much money?
I have a simple solution: give some of your money away. You can help some of the poorest people in the world, while reducing your wealth to fit in with the rest of the one per cent.
See if you can't scrape by with a paltry couple billion dollars instead of several billion.
Of course, we all know that will never happen, so I guess we will just have to hope they can survive their horrific ordeal of being ultra rich.
Speaking of horrific ordeals, a man died in a hospital in Buffalo, but not without putting up a valiant fight.
For two hours the man was breathing, moving his legs and attempting to hug loved ones who had gathered around his bed, but all the while two doctors were assuring the family the man had died some time ago. They even called the coroner to collect the body – twice – and both times the coroner said he was called too soon, but the doctors would not budge.
Finally, after much badgering by the family the doctors conducted yet another examination only to exclaim, “My God, he has a pulse!”
I am no doctor, but when I see someone breathing and moving around, I am pretty sure he has a pulse.
The man did die a short time later from a punctured lung caused when he was given CPR for the heart attack he suffered. Had he been treated sooner he likely would have lived.
Yes, the family is filing a lawsuit.
From the how-do-you-walk-and-talk-at-the-same-time file comes a really dumb driver.
Police pulled a man over in Oklahoma on suspicion of drunk driving. Police determined the man was not impaired and were going to send him on his way when he became confrontational and told police “If you think I am doing something wrong, then go ahead and search my truck.”
Which they did, finding a secret box in the engine compartment that hid 17 pounds of heroin.
The moral of the story is learn when to keep your big mouth shut. But this genius will have plenty of time to think about that while in a federal prison.
From the you-might-want-to-double-check file comes the story of a French woman who thought she had hit it big.
The unidentified woman thought she had won the lottery, sending her on a wild spending spree in celebration of the big win.
However, when her husband thought the lotto was taking too long to send them their hard-won money, he discovered the 'winning' ticket was off by one number.
This resulted in cheques bouncing all over the country and the wife sheepishly trying to explain the situation to police who arrested her for fraud.
She received a suspended sentence and had to pay back some $6,000 for the items she purchased.
And finally from the hell-hath-no-fury file, police in Romania claim a woman attempted to cut off her husband's naughty bits because he did not bring her flowers on International Woman's Day.
Gee, with such a caring, gentle wife how could he forget flowers?
While she never denied cutting her husband, the woman said it was because he was avoiding housework and came home drunk.

If they stay together, you can bet she will have a spotless house filled with flowers given to her by a very sober husband.

Copyright 2016, Darren Handschuh

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