Monday, September 17, 2012

Bald is beautiful baby

They say you don’t really appreciate something until it is gone
I don’t really know who ‘they’ are, but ‘they’ are right, because at this moment I really miss my hair.
Yes, I am a follicly challenged individual. There are many of my forehead-enhanced brethren running around out there and I am sure they have faced similar woes.
I know in the grand scheme of things, losing one’s mop of locks is not exactly an earth-shattering crisis – at least that’s what we keep telling ourselves.
I started losing my hair shortly after high school and I decided then to not worry about it. I would go bald gracefully and embrace my inner Kojak. (The younger people have no idea who I am talking about.)
I vowed never to do a comb over, wig or any other feeble attempt to hide the fact I am losing my hair.
I have known people who were very upset they were losing their hair at such a young age and would carefully craft their locks to look like they still had plenty.
At first this is possible. You can change your hairstyle to hide the fact your hair is abandoning your head at an alarming rate, but only for so long.
Eventually you reach a point where it doesn’t matter how you cut or style your hair, it is obvious you are going bald.
As the years march on and the hair falls out, the only person you are fooling is yourself. But you do give other people a good chuckle as you strut around with your ‘full head of hair.’
My hair started falling out when I was 20. There was nothing I could do about it and I did nothing to try and hide it, but that does not mean I was thrilled to be future a chrome dome.
Now, as the F-years slap me around, I am a chrome dome.
Being over six-feet tall and having less hair on my head than my 78-year-old dad has made me realize hair plays more of a role than just something that sits on top of your head and looks pretty.
Hair acts as a sensory shield to give you a split second warning you are about to crack your cranium. I cannot count the number of times I have smacked my head on something. Actually, considering how many blows to the head I have taken it is amazing I can count at all.
However, if I had a glorious, flowing head of hair I would have that warning system and been able to avoid cranial interaction with immovable objects.
But I dislike being hair challenged the most when it is raining outside. When a bald man tells you it is raining, believe him. We know when the moisture is falling from the heavens because we have this weather panel at the top of our bodies that detects rain and harsh sun with a sensitivity hair-enhanced people do not enjoy. It’s kind of a bald dude super power.
And I am taller than most people so the rain will hit my bald spot (which is pretty much my entire head) before it reaches the height-challenged masses.
There are solutions to the rain dilemma. I could get an umbrella, or even use the Hair Alternative Treatment – commonly known as H.A.T. I do own such devices, but there are times when I do not have either with me when the rain starts a falling.
That is something all the hairy people don’t have to worry about because where ever you go, your hair goes with you.
You never have to think, “Hmmmm, now where did I leave my full head of hair?”
Nope you just head out the door confident your head is covered with the protective shield that will keep the rain from pounding your bean.
Meanwhile us baldies are gathering up hats, umbrellas, newspapers, cardboard boxes or whatever else we can get our hands on to save our noggin from a splashing.
Oh well, at least I save money on shampoo and conditioner.

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