Friday, August 31, 2012

All hail the King and his tighty whiteys

I admit to being somewhat of an Elvis fan.
I am hardly a rapid, salivating, Elvis-is-the-next-best-thing-to-God kind of fan, but I appreciate and respect what he has done for rock and roll.
I also like many of his songs and can see how countless musical styles were based upon the ground-breaking anthems of the hip-swiveling, lip-curling legend.
After all, he is the King of Rock and Roll with legions of hardcore fans. Some people however take their pursuit of all things Elvis over the top – way over the top - and will eagerly purchase anything even remotely associated with the King.
But it is good to have a hobby and at least they are not wasting their money of stupid stuff like food, or a college education for their children.
One of my hobbies is watching in amusement as these super fans purchase all sorts of Elvis-related materials. One guy spent several thousand dollars on a Styrofoam cup that the King supposedly used during one of his shows.
The seller had no official documentation that the piece of foam was actually the chalice used by the King to whet his whistle, but he swore he took the cup from Elvis himself during the show. He had a picture of Elvis backstage drinking from ‘a’ Styrofoam cup, but there was no definitive evidence it was ‘the’ Styrofoam cup.
The owner put it up for sale and the bids soared into the thousands of dollars.
In an unrelated story, news of one being born every minute was officially confirmed.
So while the King’s cup may have been questionable, his snot blaster apparently was not. Yup, some rabid Elvis fan spent thousands of dollars to purchase a nasal suction bulb that was used by the man himself.
Nothing says rock and roll memorabilia like a big piece of Elvis booger. The good news is there was proof the snot sucker was in fact used by the King.
Thank God he did not get enemas, because you know someone would want that piece of medical equipment.
“Hey Bob, isn’t that an enema bulb in that glass case hanging above your fireplace?”
“It sure it, but that is not just any butt blaster, that is the butt blaster of the King. Do you want to touch it?”
“No, no I do not.”
Sound too strange to be true? If there is one thing I have learned by watching Elvis fans it is nothing is too strange.
Case in point is the auctioning off of a pair of the King’s underwear.
It would seem someone has been holding on to a pair of ginch worn by Mr. Presley during a show in the late 1970s. It is sealed in a glass case along with pictures of Elvis from the show.
You can’t see the underwear in the photos, but it is said they are the ones he was wearing underneath one of those glittery, leather jumpsuits he was so fond of.
After a show under hot lights wrapped in cow hide, one could imagine the state of the underwear that were doffed and tossed onto the laundry pile.
If you thought sweaty and icky, you would be right. And that is the main selling feature – I kid you not.
Unwashed and still soiled with stains” is actually how the seller is promoting the item. They were never washed after the show and have been in their natural condition ever since.
They are hailed as pristine and the seller explains Elvis wore this type of underwear because he did not want any lines showing through his stylish jump suit.
I am not sure why they were never washed, but I am pretty sure the hardcore Elvis fans wouldn’t have it any other way.
And you know that at some point in time, someone has tried those undies on just to say they wore the soiled, sweaty, dirty undies of the King of Rock and Roll.
Personally, that is a bragging point I could live with out.
Oh, and just in case you were hoping to throw down a bid on the briefs, the King’s tightey-whitey’s are expected to go for more than 10,000-pounds in a London auction house.
Long live the King.

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