Friday, February 6, 2015

This stuff is too stupid to make up

Police in the United States recently arrested a man for hiding several baggies of cocaine in his prosthetic leg.
The man went out on a limb to transport the illicit drug, but when a police dog sniffed the car he was travelling in, it detected the white powder prompting cops to search him.
Of course, the man denied it was his dope, but under the circumstances he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
And thus begins another look at the weird and wacky world we live in.
In Massachusetts, 14 employees of a pharmacy were indicted for defrauding the federal government by filling bogus prescriptions.
The owner, who was in on the scam, told his staff not to use any obviously false names and only use ones that seem plausible.
Apparently, the employees did not get the memo.
These people fell a little short of genius status when they used names like Coco Puff, Harry Potter, Baby Jesus, all of the Baldwin brothers, and my personal favourite, Hugh Jass.
This next one is just criminal in its stupidity. A five-year-old boy was mauled by a pitbull named Mickey and has had to endure numerous operations to repair the damage done by the beast.
There was public outrage over the incident – but not for the little boy. For some reason that only someone with an IQ lower than a container of yogurt can understand, more than 75,000 people signed a petition to keep Mickey from being euthanized.
Did I mention this was criminally stupid? While the young lad has to endure countless medical procedures, his mom had to quit her job to stay home and care for him and is struggling to pay for the necessities of life let alone the mounting medical bills. Thanks to the petition signers, Mickey is living a life of luxury in a 'no kill' shelter where he will be looked after for the rest of his days.
Hmmm, it would appear cats and dogs are not he only ones that should be spayed or neutered.
A small accident in downtown Phoenix between a city bus and a dumptruck drew a large of gawkers who wanted to see what was going on.
A man then burst from the nearby bushes and flashed the crowd before taking off.
Witness said that was also a 'small' incident.
The Belly Button Biodiversity project at North Carolina State University has begun examining the "faunal differences" in the microbial ecosystems of our navels, to better understand of the organisms crawling around inside us.
They believe the naval of an 85-year-old man differs from that of a five-year-old boy.
I have have never conducted such a study myself, but I already know there is a difference: the 85-year-old naval is wrinkly, the five-year-old one isn't. The five year old is also more likely to have dirt in their belly button.
Speaking of universities, A team from Britain's University of Nottingham and Queen Mary University of London found cows make two distinctly different sounds to their calves, depending on whether the calves are nearby or farther away. The team said it spent 10 months digitally recording cow noises, then a year analyzing them.
Why? How will this research will benefit the human race? I bet if you ask any rancher, anywhere in the world they will tell you the same thing these brainiacs spent almost two years researching.
In other news, some universities have officially run out of interesting things to study.
And finally, a criminal mastermind in Connecticut entered a convenience store and handed the clerk a note demanding money.
He then pulled his hand out of his pocket and pointed his finger at the clerk – while his hand was in his pocket he was trying to pretend it was a gun.
The clerk then grabbed the masked man's finger and threatened to break it if he did not get out there. The thief took off without any loot.
I wonder if the bad guy has ever considered applying for university research grant. He seems qualified.

Copyright 2015, Darren Handschuh

No comments: