Weird is an understatement

By DARREN HANDSCHUH
Ladies and gentlemen, it is a strange world out there.
Need proof? Read the news. Even the best Hollywood writers could not come up with some of this stuff.
Real life ranges from the weird to the strange to the really weird.
The following lands in the really weird category.
It would seem a man in the United States awoke from an evening snooze to find his dog had eaten some of his toes.
Really, that's what the story said.
The man had diabetes and could not feel his feet and after taking a nap he noticed something was amiss, or more accurately - missing.
The family hound took it upon himself to apply his own version of medical care. Officials said if the toes were gangrenous or dying, the mutt thought he was doing his master a favour.
The dog will not face any repercussions for his actions as it was determined he was not doing it "in any form of meanness."
What's even weirder - as if it was not strange enough already - the man and his wife were quite happy with the pooch performing the in-house amputation.
The story did not say what kind of a dog it was, but I really hope it was not a chihuahua. How long would it take a dog that small to perform the impromptu surgery?
I don't know, and I don't want to know. Like I said, true and really weird.
Another odd little ditty is closer to home. As I am sure you have already heard, a Tim Horton's was used as an overflow for an emergency room in a B.C. hospital.
The comments have been flying fast and furious over this one.
"I will have a large double-double with a honey glazed and could you set my broken arm please? Thank you."
Only in Canada could a Timmies double as an emergency ward triage.
A lady in the United States filed a lawsuit against a railroad company after she was struck by a train. The woman was walking down the tracks when the train hit her.
The woman was not listening to an iPod or any other such device that would prevent her from hearing the massive locomotive barreling down the tracks behind her, and in the lawsuit, blamed the rail company for not posting enough signs stating the tracks were used by trains.
She also filing a lawsuit against her parents for bearing a child that is dumber than a twig.
I have my doubts she will emerge victorious against the railway company, but the lawsuit against her parents sounds like a lock.
What jury could possibly argue when all the proof they need is being documented in the earlier lawsuit.
In the northern wilds of Alaska a woman was attacked by a moose (she was not seriously injured.) Nothing strange about that, you say. I say guess again.
You see, Morty Moose was relaxing in a snowbank near a town when the lady decided to pet the humungous beast.
OK, let's review: the moose is a wild animal, a large wild animal and that makes it a dangerous wild animal.
I wonder if she is related to the train lady?
This next one is weird in a cool way. In the U.S, a 25-year-old scumbag broke into a home and attempted to assault the 71-year-old woman who lived there.
But this super senior was having none of that. Granny grabbed a frying pan and laid a whoopin' on the bad guy to the point where he needed medical care.
His police mugshot has him wearing a cervical collar from injuries inflicted on him by the feisty senior.
I say good job Granny, that's my kind of senior citizen.