I have a secret.
A dark, shameful secret I have shared with no one, but now I will reveal it to the world. Well, maybe not to the world, but at least to who ever is reading this, but I shall reveal my secret nonetheless.
I have never watched an episode of Oprah.
Shock. Dismay and what is this guy talking about?
Never seen an episode of Oprah? Unheard of.
It may be shocking, but it is true. Not even once in a quarter of a century have I sat down to watch what's-her-name do her TV show.
Oprah ended her lengthy run last month to much fanfare and even a few tears from fans. OK, I can understand people wanting to watch the last episode and it is the end of an era (I guess anyway), but to cry because one of the richest people on the planet will no longer be on TV seems a little over the top.
And come on, does anyone really believe Oprah won't be back on the boob tube.
She has her own channel. She can go on TV whenever she feels like it. She can disrupt pretty much any show she wants because she owns the entire network.
"We interrupt this program because Oprah told us to, and when Oprah tells us to do something, we do it."
"Hi, I'm Oprah, remember me from the Oprah show? Of course you do. Now everyone look at me, I'm on TV again."
But Oprah is not the only popular show I have never seen. I have never watched a single episode of Survivor.
I know, more shock and dismay, but what can I tell you, the show just never appealed to me.
I caught about eight minutes of one of a show during the first season, but watching a naked guy run around a tropical island just did not turn my crank.
I may have watched a few minutes of the show here and there of the years, but I have never witnessed a full episode and I am OK with that.
I know some people who are rabid survivor fans and would not miss an episode if they cut off a body part.
ìIt's OK, honey, it's just my left arm, and besides, I am right handed. Maybe they can re-attach it after Survivor. I must admit, this will make it a little more challenging to clap, but...î
ìPlease be quiet, Survivor is on. And stop bleeding on the carpet.î
Dancing with the Stars. Never seen it. Ever.
I know it has something to do with TV and movie stars who are dancing, but beyond that my knowledge is rather limited. I do know the 'stars' are typically B or even C listers who are so desperate to get in front of the camera again they are willing prance around each week and risk humiliation to do it.
I wonder when Lidsay Lohan will be on?
If the whole retirement thing does not work out for Oprah, there's always DWTS I suppose.
Another super popular show I have never watched ñ American Idol.
What? He's kidding, right?
Nope. I have not become an Idol worshipper, but I must add that I have watched the tryouts on occasion, just to see how horribly some people sing.
Wow, a cat caught in a weed whacker would sound better than a lot of those people. Who told them they can sing in the first place?
Perhaps they never heard the 'thou shalt not lie' commandment.
Hmmm, I wonder if what's her name can sing and dance?