Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I know what my cat is thinking

I caught a glimpse of a book cover the other day about cats. The book was called ‘What your cat is thinking.’ I know what the cat is thinking without reading the book. The cat is thinking: Feed me, worship me, feed me, worship me, feed me, worship me… There, I just saved you $29.95. On occasion the feline may be thinking ‘pet me,’ but that is only on their terms, and only for as long as they want. Once they are done, they cast you aside like a worn out shoe until the next time they feel like interacting with you. And as every cat owner knows, interacting with a cat is entirely up to the cat. You can call the feline, tempt them with a treat and even chase them around the house trying to pick them up, but at the end of the day a cat will cuddle only when the cat wants to cuddle. I don’t know if this has happened to anyone else, but when my son’s cat gets out when he is not supposed to he will walk just slightly out of my reach as I try to grab him to bring him back in. Sometimes he is mere inches away from being snatched, but when you move forward, so does he. Then you move, then he moves then you move, then he moves…until you finally give up. “Fine stay outside you dumb animal. See if I care.” OK, let’s review. If the cat is such a dumb animal how come I am the one chasing him around the yard like some hunched over troll? If he is so dumb how come I am the one who provides meals for him several times a day? If he is so dumb how come I am the one cleaning up his messes while he lounges on the couch, the bed or pretty much wherever he wants? If he is sooooo dumb…OK, I think we know who the dumb one is. Cats obviously have brains and do think of things or else they would just sit around like a federal Senate appointee. Do not underestimate the brain power of a feline. They are thinking alright. Dogs think about things as well, but in a much different manner. I read this online and it could not be more accurate: A dog will think, “They pet me, feed me and take care of me. They must be God.” A cat will think, “They pet me, feed me and take care of me. I must be God.” Cats also spend a lot of time thinking up ways to be annoying. Like sleeping on the computer keyboard, or, as Gilbert the Wonder Cat has done on many occasions, blocking the dog food dish with his body while he eats his own food. He will also leave his food alone once in a while and eat the dog’s food. Both scenarios cause man’s best friend to whine and wait. Does the cat care? Nope. I could swear that on more than one occasion, the cat actually smirked with satisfaction after making his canine counterpart wait, and wait, and wait for his food. So why doesn’t the dog just take what’s his? Because he is scared half to death of that cat, that’s why. When we brought Murphy the Mutt home I am pretty sure the two reached an agreement: the dog agreed not to annoy the cat, and the cat agreed not to kill the dog. So far they are holding up both ends of the deal. Mind you in the middle of winter the cat has been known to hunt the dog for sport and fun. No wonder Murphy is so jittery. So, yes, it is safe to say cats do think. But I do not need a book to tell what they are thinking. However, in retrospect, a feline’s brain may be more active than I originally gave them credit for: ‘feed me, worship me, annoy the dog, feed me, worship me, feed me, attack the dog, worship me, feed me, claw something for no reason, worship me, sit on someone who is allergic to me, feed me, worship me…

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