Monday, June 25, 2012

Men are emotional lunkheads

“Well you should have known how I was feeling.”
OK, ladies, let’s get something straight: unless you come right out and tell us, we don’t know - ever.
Men never know how their significant other is feeling. While it may be obvious to her, it is obscure information to the creatures that are men.
Men are, for lack of a better term, emotional lunkheads.
We are not in tune with our own feelings let alone yours, so on behalf of every man on the planet I ask, no I beg of you, please just tell us what you want us to know.
If we ask, ‘Is something wrong?’ and you say ‘No’ to us that means nothing is wrong. To women it means ‘Yes, and you better figure out what it is in a hurry.’
Most men would readily accept you telling them how you are feeling. Subtle hints work about as well as a trying to surf on a screen door.
Moderate hints and even blatant hints also do not work all that well. So to save everyone a lot of hassle please just come right out and tell us.
If men had the ability to express their emotions they would. But that part of our brain tends to be dormant most of the time and waking it is quite difficult.
Ladies, if there is something you want to explain to us perhaps take a second and try to think like a man beast.
The first thing you have to do is scratch your butt. I am not sure why, but somehow that interaction is like a kick start for the male brain.
Now don’t go reading too much into that, like where the man brain is located. I don’t know why it works, but it does.
Next, when you start to explain how you are feeling dumb it down – a lot. When men think of emotions they do so in a similar manner as they think of colours.
When men think of colours red is red. Orange is orange. Pumpkin is not a colour – it is something you turn into a Jack-o-lantern. I don’t what fuchsia is, but I am told it is also a colour. Same as taupe. I have no idea what tope is, but my wife wants to paint our hallway with it.
When it comes to emotions there is happy, sad, angry (that one most men can recognize), annoyed (another one we know by heart but occasionally get confused with angry) and other basic emotions.
Please, for the sake of all mankind, do not expect us to interpret several emotions at once on our own. That has disaster written all over it. Men deal with one emotion at a time and even then it can be a bit of a challenge.
Does this mean men can be insensitive clods who just lumber their way through life and deal with emotions on the most basic level? You betcha it does.
My wife is often frustrated (another emotion the man brain can confuse with angry and annoyed by the way) at my lack of ability to express my feelings.
She even once claimed I was emotionally stunted and not in tune with my inner feelings. Right again, good job.
But it was not just me, it is almost all of mankind. Womenkind can talk about their feelings as easily as men can talk about sports, or cars or any other subject we find interesting.
Men are just not wired to communicate effectively on an emotional level and that drives many women crazy. See guys, there is an upside to the situation already.
I have tried to explain to my wife time and again how the man brain works, but only after we heard an expert speaker talk about it did she begin to believe I was not an emotional lunkhead, but just a regular guy.
Which in many cases can be the same thing and once you realize that ladies, life can be a lot easier for all of us.

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