Thursday, June 28, 2012

What can I say? Not much, I'm a guy

Great, now I have email envy.
I caught a glimpse of my wife’s Facebook page and noticed she had 15 messages waiting to be read, and that was just since yesterday.
I’m lucky if I get 15 emails in a month let alone in a matter of a few hours.
But when you think about it, it really does make sense. Not that I am a friendless dork, but it is a reflection of the genders.
The majority of my Facebook friends are of the man persuasion and men only say something if they have something worth saying.
I am not inferring that women have nothing worth saying, but they do have a lot more to say than a man does. This has been scientifically proven in some lab somewhere by some scientist type person.
Actually I believe it was a male and female team who made the discovery. Oddly enough the woman scientist’s report was much longer than her male counterparts. Go figure.
Men email like they talk: they keep it brief and only when it is necessary. Women also email like they talk: only all of the time.
OK, calm down ladies I know that is an exaggeration and you do not talk incessantly. I apologize. Really, I mean, that. Honest I do.
But it is a hard, cold fact that my wife spends much more time chatting with friends online, on the phone or in person than I do with my man buddies.
Usually when I hang out with the guys we are hunting each other with paintball guns or beating each other up in martial arts, neither of which lends itself to much talking other than, “Ouch, that hurt.”
To which the reply is usually along the lines of, “Oh, poor baby. Did the big, bad paintball hurt you?”
Those comments are followed by more obligatory remarks of a demeaning nature between the two parties and often the rest of the gang joins in so as not to miss out on the fun.
There is not a lot of sympathy when it comes to simulating war.
And unlike my wife, I could spend an entire afternoon hanging with the guys and gain very little in the way of personal information.
The Missus on the other hand, can talk to a friend she has not seen in a year and 10 minutes later know every detail of every major event of the past 12 months.
It is quite impressive actually.
When guys get together we will spend the first 10 minutes just contemplating how tasty our frosty cold beverage is before entering an in depth discussion on the important things in life – like how the Canucks are doing.
Guys also need a reason to get together: working on a car is my personal favourite because what man does not like to get greasy and use tools.
But there are many other reasons for men to get together such as sports, and um, I already mentioned cars, um, how about motorcycles, yes, we get together to help each other work on motorcycles. And sports, don’t forget sports. There are a lot of other reasons, but I don’t feel like listing all of them right now.
Anyway, my point is women can get together for no reason and spend hours chatting it up without any catalyst for discussion. I know, have seen it happen.
Men need some sort of vital subject to focus on. Hey, I don’t make the rules, I just try and live by them.
Work and how much it sucks will also do as a man topic. Women too indulge in work bashing so I guess that one is a draw.
I would ask some of my buddies what they think about all this, but my car is running fine and we have no paintball planned for the next few weeks.

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