As most people know, things rarely go as planned.
If they did, I would be hitting those six numbers at least once a year (no point in being greedy).
But after playing the stupid lotto for years and realizing the odds of me winning are slightly less than an Elvis comeback, I finally gave up on my 6/49 retirement plan.
Anyway, he latest intrusion of Murphy's Law into my life came when I was renovating the back deck. It is a covered deck which is very nice to shield my delicate skin from the Okanagan sun, but the carpeting was literally turning to powder, so the Missus and I decided we needed to replace it.
Actually the Missus decided it needed to be replaced and then she decided I was the one who was going to replace it.
We did not want to put in carpet again because carpet outside is little more than a giant dust collector. Even if the fibres are designed for an outdoor environment, they still get very dirty and are annoying to clean.
So we decided to rip the old carpet out – guess who got that job? - and sand the entire deck – guess who got that job? - and then resurface the entire deck – go on, guess who got that job.
If you guessed the tall bald guy, you would be correct.
I grabbed one edge of the carpet and gave a mighty pull, followed by a mighty cough as a dust storm similar to those found on the Sahara desert swirled around the entire deck, threatening to block out the sun.
And that was just the first of several mighty pulls it took to rip the carpet from the floor. Then I had to run around and hammer or remove the nails used to hold the carpet down before sanding off all the old glue the carpet installer had used.
I guess 623 nails were not enough to hold it in place.
Seeing as how we did not want to put in carpet again, we decided to put down a rubbery compound that goes on like paint, only a million times thicker.
We figured out how much we needed based on the size of the deck and the coverage rating of the can and decided two gallons should do it.
What we did not factor in was the wood on the deck was so dry it sucked the paint-like substance up like a frat boy at his first kegger. (except the floor did not barf all over its shoes at the end of the night)
This was the first part of the job to not go exactly as planned and the two cans did only half the deck. OK, no problem, we will just go back to the hardware store and get two more cans.
When we bought the first two cans I specifically asked the paint mixing person behind the counter that if we needed more, would they be able to match the original colour?
"Oh sure, no problem. It's all on the computer and we can match if perfectly,” she said in a chipper voice.
So we bought two more cans and headed home to slop it on the deck – confident in the colour matching perfectly.
Did I mention things don't always go as planned?
For some reason the new colour was a little darker than the original – so much for a perfect computer match.
I thought maybe when it dried it would match. Well, it has had several days to dry and it is still a little darker, so now I have to move everything from one side of the deck to the other – for the third time – and add a very light coat to make the colours match.
But what's a few hours extra work in the blazing Okanagan heat?
Annoying, that's what.
Copywrite 2014 Darren Handschuh