Friday, May 15, 2015

This is so weird it has to be true

It was a good news, weird news situation for an Indiana woman who had an operation on her brain recently.
The 26-year-old PHd student was having trouble comprehending the things she read or what people around her were saying, but doctors couldn't agree on what was wrong with her.
Eventually they arrived at the conclusion it was a tumour of some sort and a minimally invasive brain operation was conducted to see what was going on.
The good news is it was not a tumour. The weird news is it was her embryonic twin.
Doctors found the tumour was actually a "teratoma" - a relatively rare case of an embryonic twin, complete with bone, hair and teeth.
(Her first thought was, “Oh great, another mouth to feed.” Sorry folks, I could not resist.)
I will admit just about every horror movie I have ever seen about weird things growing out of your body flashed through my mind when I read about her condition.
The woman had a good sense of humour about it, saying it was her “evil twin who had been causing all those problems for the past 26 years.”
The woman is expected to make a full recovery, her “twin” not so much.
It would seem May 2 was World Naked Gardening Day.
I did not know that – and the world is a better place for it.
ï¾’People across the globe are encouraged to tend their portion of the world's garden unclothed as nature intended,” said a WNGD spokesperson, adding it is a “family friendly phenomenon.”
There is so much wrong with that last statement I don't know where to begin.
Family friendly? Perhaps the years of therapy needed to help the children deal with the event will bring the family together, but if I ever saw my parents wandering around the garden naked...yikers.
Let's just say that would not have been good for anyone and I am quite positive my children feel the same way.
The spokesperson went on to say the idea was to make gardens – private or public – more beautiful. I have mirrors in my house, I know what I look like sans clothing and believe me folks, such a sight would not make the world a more beautiful place.
Unless you think the sound of people screaming while gouging their own eyes out is beautiful.
Across the pond, a British economy airline announced it will charge people the equivelent of around $15 to notify them if the airline had to cancel the flight.
Despite it being the airlines fault the flight was cancelled, it still felt it necessary to dip into people's wallets as much as possible.
Hmm, sounds like the banking business is moving into the airline business.
Back in the U.S.A., a man is facing weapons charges after a shooting at a gas station in which one man was wounded.
Was the suspect being robbed by the man he shot? Nope.
Was the man he shot assaulting someone and the suspect came to their defence? Nope and nope.
Then what would have caused the man to pull out a handgun and open fire on another human being?
The suspect told police he thought he victim was staring at him as he filled his car.
Well if that isn't reason enough to use lethal force on a total stranger, I don't know what is.
It's a good thing the victim did not bump into him or the suspect could have pulled out a bazooka and blown the whole place to pieces.
And finally, In Nebraska a woman has filed a lawsuit against every gay person in the entire world because she believes they are sinning.
Obviously a bit of a religious zealot (see nut bagel), she presented the court with a hand-written, seven-page document that outlined her position.
I highly doubt the lawsuit will proceed farther than a few late night TV show jokes, let alone have a chance of winning, but if she does win I plan on filing a lawsuit against all the stupid people in the world.
I will be the richest man on the planet.

Copyright 2015, Darren Handschuh

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