Friday, January 24, 2014

I know the secret to never losing your glasses

For almost as long as I can remember, my dad has had a nemesis - a white whale to his Capt. Ahab, a Joker to his Batman.
This foe has been causing him stress and anguish for many years and continues to do so unabated.
But the opponent challenging his sanity has no conscious or even malicious intent – they are his reading glasses.
Oft is the time when dad would reach into the breast pocket of his shirt only to find the case carrying his glasses missing. Or the case will be there, but the glasses are not.
They are usually not far away from him – most likely sitting on the small table next to his recliner where he spends time reading.
But it does cause frustration.
Over the past few years, I too have noticed the type they use in books, menus and even this fine publication is too small, or somewhat blurry so I went to see the eye doctor who told me I needed reading glasses.
It made me realize that every day I become a little more like my dad. Sometimes that is good, sometimes not so much.
I instantly had visions of me rattling around the house looking for those 'darn glasses' while holding a letter or newspaper in my hand.
The eye doc said he would be glad too sell me a pair of really nice glasses for $200.
Great, then I could rattle around the house looking for an expensive pair of eye wear.
I thought about it for a moment and told the doc I would get back to him. I could still read most stuff and I do have long arms, so I knew I could manage for a while.
But eventually, it got the point where I would have to either get reading glasses or  longer arms.
Glasses seemed like the much more viable option. I was not looking forward to the perpetual search for my reading spectacles and tried to come up with an alternate plan.
Then one day, while I was at a local dollar store I noticed they sold reading glasses – for a buck.
An idea was born. I bought 10 pairs of glasses and stashed them all over the place – in my car, the van, the livingroom, bathroom, bedroom, work desk, garage, you name it.
Wherever I thought I might need to read something, I put a pair of glasses.
It worked like a charm. Instead of always having to carry glasses with me, all I do is reach for the nearest pair – problem solved and all the glasses together came to a fraction of the doc's glasses.
Sure the dollar store peepers are not exactly high-end gear, but who cares. I can read just as well with a $1 pair of glasses as a $200 pair and if something should happen to the $1 pair, I can buy 199 more pairs and still break even.
If I may digress for just a moment, why do they call them a pair of glasses. There is only one item but they are referred to as plural. Just like a pair of pants when there is only a singular item
The argument I have heard is because you have two eyes or two legs thus making for a pair. Sorry, but we don't call them a pair of bras so your argument is invalid. I guess it is just one of those quirky little things in the English language and the fact that I have even spent time thinking about it means I have far to much time on my hands.
Anyway, I have been using reading glasses for a few years now, and have yet to grumble about not being able to find a pair. With my system they are always around when I need them, and I have a much lower risk of misplacing them because they have no set place to be misplaced from.
Hmm, I guess with age really does come wisdom.

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