Wednesday, October 1, 2014

A pox upon you thieving little rats

 Dear thieves: you suck.
The other day, my daughter was relieved of her iPhone. It was taken from her backpack while she was in school.
We immediately canceled the service, essentially turning the phone into a paperweight and leaving my daughter very upset.
She learned a couple valuable lessons: never leave your phone in a backpack, and thieves suck.
I hate it when people steal my stuff. I worked hard to get what I have and then you just come along and take it. Did I mention you suck?
I have had a vehicle broken in to 14 times. One van we had was hit five times. The first time was when we were at a hiking trail and they caused $600 damage just getting in so they could steal my wallet – with $40 cash, my credit card - that they managed to put a couple hundred bucks on before we cancelled it – and some old-guy CDs that I am sure ended up at the side of the road before they were even 10 minutes down the road with their ill-gotten loot.
The next time that same van was broken into was in our driveway and they took some change, a couple tools and few other items.
From that point on, I did not even lock the van and left nothing of value in it, but three more times someone rifled through it looking for my stuff to put in their pockets.
Over the years, I have had hundreds of dollars with of cassettes stolen, various tools, a radar detector (which made the cop smile when I told him) and a bunch of other minor items.
Nothing major, but still an invasion of my privacy and violation of my personal space.
I take it personally when someone steals my stuff and for a few minutes indulge in the dream of calling down the wrath of God upon them before calming down and realizing my anger will only harm me.
But I must admit, for a little while it was fun to imagine all sorts of nasty things happening to them like boils and hard time chained to a fat guy with zits while they break rocks in the sweltering heat all day.
Might be a little extreme for a stolen cellphone, but for a few moments it did make be feel better.
Somehow the imagined wrath of aggressive vengeance calms a frustrated soul.
The van we have now has an alarm system, but the other day we left it unlocked and a couple items went missing: some change and a stethascope my wife uses at work.
My guess is it was the work of kids and our van was a target of opportunity.
Ya, it was my own fault for leaving it unlocked, but that still does not excuse the actions of the these little rats who deserve to be...
Well, let's just say what comes around goes around and I am sure the universe will administer some sot of punishment – I just wish I could be there to see it.

Copyright 2014 Darren Handschuh

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